The Gift of Listening: What Families in Crisis Really Need
In the midst of addiction chaos, words tend to fly fast. But Woody Giessmann reminds us that what families need most is not more advice it's someone to listen.
In A Life of Recovery: Breaking the Chains of Addiction, Woody gives voice to families who’ve lived through so much. Parents who spent a decade or more trying to “fix” someone they love. Husbands whose cries have been ignored. Siblings torn between anger and grief. Friends who’ve shouted it all in vain: “What else can we say?”
Woody’s response is surprising: “Maybe it’s not about what you say. Maybe it’s about what you hear.”
The Power of Being Heard
When a person is in crisis either active addiction or early recovery words easily become knives. Accusations, lectures, even concern that’s rooted in love can sound like control. To the person struggling, these words are noise. And to the family, the silence that follows is unbearable.
But Woody has observed that one of the most potent healing weapons is not talking it’s listening.
When someone feels heard really heard they start to soften. They drop defenses. They start to think about change. Listening does not involve agreeing with everything said or facilitating harmful behavior. It involves making space where truth can happen.
What Listening Looks Like
In his private practice and in family interventions, Woody shows families how to listen non-judgmentally, without interrupting, or with a need to “solve.” These are some of the practices he teaches families:
- Maintaining eye contact without pressure
- Allowing the person to speak without correcting them
- Mirroring feelings rather than facts
- Refusing to use “you should” and “why didn’t you” statements
- Being okay with silence
This type of listening produces emotional safety. And safety is the ground where trust and growth take root.
Listening to the Unspoken
And sometimes, what’s not said is as telling. A sigh. A tear. An avoiding of the eye. Woody encourages families to listen for the whole communication not merely the words.
Shame keeps many with addiction quiet. They feel that they’ve failed too many times, let down too many people. But when the family member listens with empathy, permission is given for the truth to appear.
Woody tells one story in the book about a dad who, at an intervention, said not a word for the first hour. When he finally opened his mouth, he only spoke like this: “I’m scared. I just want my son back.” This changed everything not because it was brilliant or scientific, but because it was real.
Why Families Struggle to Listen
It’s not that parents don’t care. They care so much it hurts. But in their urgency to help, they tend to control, fix, or convince. Listening sounds passive. But in fact, it’s active, on purpose, and extremely courageous.
Families can also bring their own trauma decades of betrayal, fear, and burnout. Listening past that pain requires practice and guidance.
That’s why Woody invites families to visit support groups such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, to find out not only how to survive, but how to communicate more healthily.
The Change from Control to Connection
When families shift from “What can we say to stop this?” to “What can we hear to understand this?”, the dynamic shifts.
The addict is no longer the enemy. They’re a human being in distress.
Woody reminds parents that addiction is usually the symptom of something else. Something deeper. Trauma. Mental illness. Loss. Isolation. When we listen with curiosity instead of fear, we move closer to the source and to recovery.
A Lasting Gift
- Listening won’t fix everything. But it will change everything.
- It will soften hearts. Build bridges. And create room for honest dialogue.
- In recovery, listening is love in action. It says, “I’m here. I’m not running. I want to understand.”
- And sometimes, that’s the most powerful thing we can offer.